Wolverine Trailer Debuts: Blows Shit Up While Doing So

        Well, we’ve waited, we’ve bitched, we’ve moaned, we’ve talked a considerable amount of smack, and generally dogged the necessity of the longest title ever in cinema history (source: the internet), but it’s finally upon us. Wolverine has SNIKTed his way onto the interwebs and he’s brought friends. This is the most mutant packed trailer in recent memory, to varying degrees of success. There’s a lot going on here and much of it is extremely well handled in my opinion. Aside from maybe a few gripes about some of the tonal choices, and the inclusion of characters like Emma Frost, Beak, and (little?!) Storm, I am far more impressed with this than I thought I would be. Most of that really comes from the fact that we’ve got Liev Schreiber jumping in for Sabretooth, which is the best idea ever (as opposed to Will. I. Am jumping in as Colonel Wraith, which is the worst choice ever). Ryan Reynolds as a mask-less Deadpool is kind of a mixed bag, unless they straight up give him cancer in this movie, which will make me super happy (the character, not the actor). Kevin Durand as Blob will likely be hilarious,if ridiculous. But Danny Huston as a younger William Stryker is just excellent.

        I have to say that the most effective stuff is right at the beginning, with the many shots of past wars Logan has fought in, and the glimpse into what is one of the most depressing lives ever in comicdom. Let’s see, murderer before adolescence, family killed by uppity half-kin, wife brutally attacked and murdered by best friend, and then you get to be brainwashed and tortured by the government. I thought BATMAN had it bad. And this is all very key to why this trailer works on the levels that it does. These things are visible, if not actually elaborated upon (it’s a trailer, cut them some slack), and the drama with Logan and Sabretooth looks to be pretty compelling stuff.

        On the action front… I mean come on, did you freaking see Gambit? That is AWESOME. I still think Josh Holloway would have been a better choice, but this Taylor Kitsch kid looks to be able to handle the part (it’s not all that complex). If anything, I’m a little unsure of the need to cram as many characters as possible into the whole Weapon X storyline as they seem to do here, as it kind of lends itself to Logan busting all the kids out of the nursery as some ersatz protective daddy. No one wants to see Wolverine hanging out with a bunch of freaking kids. Kids ruin movies in anything other than small doses, and most of this comes from the fact that I’m really not sure Hollywood writers know all that much about childhood or pre-teens other than what kind of pop-culture they consume. BLARG. Anyway, if a little overblown on some set-pieces, there looks to be enough of the kind of stuff here that drew unsuspecting audiences to the character in the first place, plus some extra mood for points. Besides, if it wasn’t bat-shit crazy with the jumping at the helicopters, and the ’splosions and the oh god it cuts me it wouldn’t be a Comic Book Movie, now would it. Not everything can be as resonant or grounded as The Dark Knight, nor should it be really. That’s Batman’s shtick, and it works well for him in that setting.

 

 

But come on… Will. I. Am as Colonel Wraith? Wraith may be many things, but seventies urban cowboy isn’t one of them. Will could have at least tried to wear a costume, and not his regular everyday shit. Did he film this scene, then go be a hologram for CNN? WTF, man?

 

BTW, Wraith totally is a seventies cowboy in the comics. I just felt some wierd need to pick on Will because he didn’t need costuming for this role.

Any way, GO CANADIANS!!!!

An Open Request to DJ Caruso

Shia LaBOOF, Circa always.

 

 Hi everybody! Remember me?

 

 I went away for a while. Unfortunately, I didn’t see fit to keep updating while one of the cooler movie seasons of all time rolled on by, and instead I devoted far more time than was necessary or advisable watching, listening to, and thinking about Dark Knight. It’s kind of nice that it’s over, because it feels like I can be a film geek again, instead of simply a fucking Batman fanatic.

 So many new and exciting things, that I think by this point all deserve their own posts. Also, I’ll be adding some new features soon (read in like 2 weeks), including an area for my own takes on older movies, which might just auto-archive or something so that the freshest of freshness might take the top spot. I find most of my stuff out the same way everyone else does (actually that’s not always true, but I don’t squeal when people ask me not to), so I’m not really pretending to be an on the ball scoop-getter, but I offer my own take, which people I know seem to enjoy. It’s not for the Benjamin’s. It’s for them (and me). Anywho, on to the actual point, which on my blog can be elusive at times.

 The bastion of all pop culture and sacred knowledge worth having and awesome music oh wait… MTV, had a nice update when I checked them out today about a project which has been a bit of a mixed bag for me as far as enthusiasm levels are concerned, Y: The Last Man. I (like apparently the whole world when I wasn’t looking) am a pretty big fan of this particular funny book. I remember picking it up way back when the first trade came out and just needing more, and not having any. Then I threw a big, three-year-old tantrum, still didn’t get more, then kind of forgot about it until the next issues finally showed up in stores. So one day a few years ago they started talking about making the movie version, since if you make a story with panels and balloons these days, that’s what’s going to happen, by gum. I can’t really decipher in my addled brain which versions of the screenplay and production team actually existed in the real world vs. only in by head, but needless to say, the project bounced around, eventually ending up in the hands of one previously mentioned Mr. Caruso. I know what you’re thinking: Why the hell did they want to let the guy from NYPD Blue and THE BIGGEST BLOCKBUSTER FILM EVER – KISS OF DEATH, helm such an important and interesting story? Well, the answer is that you asked a really fucking stupid question, because I’m obviously not talking about David Caruso, because he sucks.  Jackass. No DJ Caruso is an ACTUAL director, who brought us The Salton Sea, and Taking Lives. He also made a couple of other movies, and I’ll get to those in a minute, because they all have something in common that stinks. Any way, despite never really having been over the moon for any of Caruso’s films, I will admit that I reeeeeeally dug the parts of Salton Sea that I watched, and that he has always seemed an extremely capable, if slightly unfocused director, and I got no axe to grind with the fella… OK, that’s not totally accurate, because if it were, I would not be nearly 600 words into this setup, about to switch gears. Here’s the deal. Caruso is fine, but he’s developing a pattern, and it’s starting to piss me off, especially because it’s possibly about to affect what could be a really awesome film, and turn it into a merely serviceable action vehicle for a douchebag.

 Which brings us right to the heart of the matter. Simply put, DJ Caruso is developing an uncanny ability to put Shia LaBeouf in more movies, and it needs to stop before it gets out of hand. I really, really like Y: The Last Man, and I really, really tried to not jump on the Shia-hate-bandwagon (I’ve stood up for him in conversations about Constantine), but the bottom line is that Shia LaBeouf sucks. He sucks just about as bad as David Caruso, and everyone knows it, and it is NOT ok for him to be in Y. Bottom line. Final answer. Done-sky. And I have no illusions, here. There is simply NO. FUCKING. WAY. that anything that I say here is going to get to DJ Caruso’s desk made of virgin bones and oak trees, much less sway his Spielberg-knowing ass. But if I don’t do something, I’ll forever know that I didn’t… uh, do something. Drop in the bucket. Whatever. Here it is: