ZOMFG STAR TREK!!!11!

Yes, I’m being silly. But DAYUM! That movie just blew my socks right off my feet and into the asshole of the poor sap in the row in front of me. Full review to come this weekend, but for now, let me just say that if you are even slightly a fan of Trek or science fiction in general, get ready to be defenestrated from the tower of awesomeness. JJ Abrams proves once again that he is made of win.

It’s Movie May!!!!

ES MAYO DE LAS PELICULAS, PUTAS!!!!!!!

     In honor of the beginning of the blockbuster season, I am celebrating the merry month of May by watching and discussing a slew of summer blockbusters, both current and from years previous. We’ve already kicked it off with that fucking abortion Wolverine, and Star Trek is less than 24 hours away! Between the big-time releases this month, I’ll be revisiting old classics with my lovely wife, and hopefully grabbing some opinions other than my own to spew onto the interwebz. I always really love to get her take on the films that I subject her to, and she’s probably got more in the Snark Department than I ever hoped for, so it’s win-win, really. I haven’t decided what’s first, but it’ll be up shortly after my Star Trek review, so I at least know that much. There’s a weekend fast approaching, so signs are pointing to Escape From New York and a review within the next week. 

 

WOOHOO!!! IT’S MOVIE MAY!!!!!

X-Men Bore-igins: Shit-latrine

 

If you decide to see Wolverine, get ready for a lot more sky-yelling.

     You know, nothing’s worse than having to really tear someone down that you respect and genuinely like. Actually, I mean, I guess there’s probably plenty of things that are worse. I’m pretty sure losing a loved one is probably worse. Rape is pretty terrible. Swine flu? No picnic. But I digress. It sucks to have to be so negative (and snarky) when you’re really just disappointed with the efforts of someone who you typically think is pretty tits. Now imagine that you’re in a room full of people who you genuinely like, and expect a lot from, and when it comes time to impress your other friends with their charming conversation skills, none of them can manage more than a “Rectum… DAMN NEAR KILLED ‘EM” joke, or calling someone a retard and hitting their chest with their hand. I mean, it’s enough to make you want to shed a tear, scrunch your face up, and yell at the sky in frustration. Well, that’s how I felt after watching this new Wolverine movie, and I wasn’t the only one. But on the bright side, if this is also your reaction, be secure in the knowledge that in this you will not be alone… Because Hugh Jackman can scream at enough sky for all of us. Apparently, it’s his mutant power.